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Mass Suicide Reports Emerge in Finland

Tags: finland finn finns 4chon suicide
March 27, 2012 1:40 PM by Robert Sujay Doe

(Helsinki, Finland): Finland has been struck with a disastrous wave of mass suicides as more and more Finns discover that they've been banned from

The shocking news was announced by Finland's Prime Minister Jyrki Katainen on national television at 1 PM EEST. More than 300,000 Finns are reported missing, and 500,000 are confirmed dead. The Finnish military has stepped in to try and put a stop to the suicides, which have shocked the entire world.

Various leftist youth organisations in Finland blame the free speech website for provoking the suicides. The Social Democratic Party of Finland claims that the suicides started when a large number of Finns were banned on, and thus became unable to do anything fulfilling with their lives. The Finnish parliament has gathered at an emergency meeting to create new laws which would make it illegal for Michael Horowitz to be in charge of a website, and the Australian parliament is expected to adapt the law in late April.

Sauli Niinistö, Finland's president, was unable to comment on the case as he has gone missing. Unconfirmed reports say he jumped off a cliff.

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